Blessed to have them.

Christmas and New Year's Eve has passed. I'm here sitting in my bed with my laptop on my lap and my new stuff toy Olaf beside me. Having New Year's Eve done, made me think of all the blessings I got from 2013. Graduating, grad ball, Florida, Disneyland, Universal Studios, Wizarding Wold of Harry Potter, and a whole lot more. All these are great, but there's one blessing that I couldn't help making a whole post of. My block for the second term was just the best. 

Just because two of my blockmates are forcing me to do a blog post about them, it doesn't mean that that's the reason why I'm doing this. Having them part of my life has been a series of adventure and distress. There were issues here and there, but there were mostly fun and happiness. 

You know how my block from the first term made me a miserable sack. Though Den, Mariko, Mhary and Jez made it feel less miserable, I still didn't feel I was where I belong. On the first day of the second term I knew that I was still with Den. That made me relived because I would still be with one of my 'college bffs' — consists of me, Mhary, Mariko and Den. It made Den and I feel so sad since we weren't complete. We were cut into half. It was devastating for the both of us. Then we knew that Mj was part of the block, I didn't worry any longer. 

Then Den had dengue for a whole week. It made me bond with my best friend. Then Clarence tagged along. It was great because we actually had fun. We had lunch at Southmall and we actually had time for karaoke! It was the first moment when I thought that SFU was not that bad to be in. 

Mj often wasn't in school, either he doesn't want to or he was sick. So that made me get new friends. It was awesome.

Den became pretty close with Cyrus. Cyrus is one of our blockmates before. He's cool. He's one of the people I could actually trust. Cyrus then joined us with lunch everyday. Sometimes, we have lunch with the whole block. We're not that close yet with each other, but at least we had the effort to try to get to know each other. He likes taking selfies on every device he could get his hands into. 

Cyrus is my go to person. I could literally tell him everything. He made me trust again. 

We have this friend Ash. She's really, per say, rich. That's not what people like about her for though. We love her because of her laugh. It's really contagious. She makes us giggle even in the smallest of things. We usually hang in her crib to swim. We didn't have any swim suits or whatnot, it was all improvised. 

After all the fun, we had a bloody assessment to do. We had to list a lot of alcohols. It was aggravating. It seemed impossible to do. We then decided to do it all together. So we went all the way to Taft to check some liquor stores and we then went to MOA. 

Then there was this SFUn day. It was like a sportsfest in SFU. It was boring. But there was Quidditch! I couldn't resist, so I joined. I was a beater. I was a pretty lame beater to be honest. But I became better at the end. I remember how Cyrus and Den pointed and laughed at me. That moment was just pure happiness. The fact that I have friends that are laughing at my misery. [GO WHITE FOXES!]

We were required to attend three days of the sports fest. I spent one with Cyrus and Vince. This guy, he just came out of no where. I seriously can't remember how I got close with Vince, but mostly my good memories of term two was filled with him.For some reason I just got really close with this guy. I'm seriously thinking on when I became close to him, I don't think it was at SFUn, I think it was before... But nothing really happened before that. Ugh, whatever, can't remember. The point is, Vince is my best buddy. He's that kind of friend where you spend your whole day with and he still has time to text or call you at night. Well, for me that is. He trusts me, and I trust him. I guess the whole best buddy thing started is when I told him something really deep. Not much people know about this, only my closest friends. I don't even post this certain thing here. But now, at the present, I think my whole block knows. So it's not much of a secret anymore. 

We then had this industrial visit. It was consists of all blocks and the Culinary students. It was fun. It wasn't anything about how to put restaurants, it was all about knowing yourself. To be honest, I didn't learn to much from that, but it was great because of the memories and the bonding. On the way there, I was sat beside my Mj. It was pretty quiet because it was early in the morning. It was pretty funny because I was holding my pee for so long. Jez suddenly blurted out that he needed to pee. Then there was a train of people saying the same thing. It was hilarious. 

When we got inside there was food and tables everywhere. I hated this. I hated picking which table I would sit and which people I have to sit beside with. Mj was with his guy friends, so I couldn't intrude. Vince then texted me that he wasn't comfortable with his current position so I called him and got a chair so that he would just sit beside me. In the table, I was with the three girls— Janella, Dana, Jaja (Jaja wasn't in the trip though) they were usually together, they're the best. They're those kinds of people where you can be forgiven easily and you will be treated as their own.— And there was Cyrus, AC, Lark —Ac and Lark are two people from the previous block.— , and Ash and Vince. It was pretty awkward that I wasn't sitting beside Den and the others. There were all in the same table. Mj was there too. That just made me more guilty. It didn't matter much anyway because I had fun. I was with Vince the whole day. It was actually the best because we laughed at exactly the same things! At first we wanted to be alone so that we could talk more, but suddenly everyone was going to where we were. We just got quiet and laughed at something. (Even Dana knew what we were laughing about and she laughed along) Then we just walked away from the people and just had a walk. Then we started to tag along with other people because we ran out of things to say. We ended up having the company of Janella, Dana, Cyrus, the two Koreans, Judy and Ye Joo. It was awesome. The break was done and we went back inside. Mj called me to sit beside him so I did. It was cool hanging out with him just for a while. I felt sane when we talked. It was like going back to my roots, you know what I mean? Unfortunately, it was just for a second. Then the host just told us to make a circle out of the chairs. Then I sat beside Vince and Cyrus. All I remember was making a symbol for myself. I drew a rose bud because I haven't bloomed yet. I told my reason why I drew it loudly, (not on purpose) then I swear I heard Mj laughed.  It was pretty funny though. On the way back, I was beside Dana and we just talked about her religion. It was actually interesting. I actually want to attend one of their gatherings. 

Then a series of issues happened. I had an issue with Den. Yes, Den. It just crushed me. I don't want to share it, it's over. But it got us closer. It made me tell her everything. It actually made our relationship stronger. Vince had his own issues with someone as well. Then I had an issue with Mj. Yes, my best friend. It was just a misunderstanding, but it lasted for a week. I was seriously depressed that time. With all these issues happening, Vince thought of talking it out. We then made a trend. We went to Starbucks with Cyrus. After that day, we went to Starbucks almost everyday. Since Vince was always with Ash, she tagged a long as well. Since Vince shared the pictures in every social website possible, Den, Lark and AC wanted to come as well. 

I love how AC and I clicked at once one day in Bistro Lima. She suddenly told me everything. And I mean everything. She told me her deepest and darkest secrets and I told her mine. It was awesome having a friend like her. She talks and she listens. She's really awesome. Lark seems to be cool too. Like we didn't really click during the first term, but for the second term, we were alright. She was the gamer among us. I'm actually jealous of her because she's called as the gamer. Lol. I am a gamer too, I just don't play computer games, give me a controller and watch your ass get kicked by yours truly.
Anyway, these people are the blessing that I never expected. I love them with all my heart. Each and everyone of them is important to me. Best block ever. If you guys are reading this, please don't ever forget that I love you. Thank you for everything. You guys are the best. :** 

-Elphie. 

It kinda sucks being Bianca Nadine Carayag.

I haven't updated this blog for months now. Nothing much has happened. 

You might be wondering why this post is entitled "It Kinda Sucks Being Bianca Nadine Carayag". Well, in the past few months, nothing much changed. I just realized that I suck. What makes me say that? Well, let's put is this way: I. Am. Ugly

I left off with a post about having a post concert depression. That was 3 months ago. The days when I hardly cared on what I look like, or what I'm doing. Don't get me wrong, I cared on what I look, I just didn't want to make a big deal out of it. I hated looking at the mirror unsatisfied, so I just didn't do anything. 

After August, I suddenly got insecure. The society got to me. The harsh things that were rushing in my mind made me mental. It made me think that I had to change, that I had to be different. At that time, I got really bored with my hair. I wanted to do something daring, something unique. At that moment, I was looking at Tessa Netting's instagram. I got really attracted to her pixie cut. I shook it off and thought on how horrible I would look like with a pixie cut. When the time passed, I played with my hair and tried to make it look like I had a pixie cut. I put my hair in a ponytail, then placed it on my forehead. I shared this picture with my closest friends. I wanted to take a vote if it would look good on me. Majority said it would fit me great. But the butterflies in my stomach begged to differ. I had made up my mind. When of break for the first term started, I had my haircut. I looked awkward. At the same time I had confidence. I finally felt superior. I loved the feeling of changing. I loved the feeling that I was becoming someone new. There was only one thing that scared me: the fact that I had to go back to school and everyone would see the new me. I was afraid on what they would say. I was afraid that everyone would laugh at me. I was afraid that people would start judging me. 

A week has passed by. The sem break was over in just a snap. The morning of the first day of the second semester was chaos. We still didn't know our schedule, and who our classmates would be. I had to wake up early to check what block I was assigned to. On the way to school, my hands turned cold, my stomach had twice the butterflies than before. I wasn't sure on how my friends would react. Mariko new about my haircut. She was the first person I that knew that I had a pixie cut. I got in the school and no one was there yet. I sat by the lobby and waited for the others. While I waited, I just browsed through twitter. Minutes has past when Mhary arrived. She looked at me with an odd look. I gave her a lame excuse that my mum wanted me to have a new haircut. Mj arrived and asked me what happened to my hair. I gave him the same false excuse. I didn't want to tell them that I wanted it for myself. It would make me look that I made a bad decision. When Mariko arrived, she was excited to see me. She kept on patting my hair and telling me that I looked great in it. Chef AJ went to the lobby to welcome us back. He noticed my hair and said "I usually hate short hair on girls, but on you, it looks great!" I couldn't control my smile. A lot of people were giving me complements. I guess that's the perks of having new hair. 

On that day, the blocks were announced. Den, Mariko, Mhary and I got split up. Mariko was with Mhary, and I was with Den. I was actually relieved. Don't get me wrong, I love all three of them. The only problem I have with them is I get really left out. 

The new block I have is pretty fun. Mj's there so I was really happy. I can finally be myself because my best friend was in my block. 

Months passed and everything I was afraid about came true. It was fun having Mj, Den, Clarence and Cyrus during lunch. They were the best. Mj had my back, Den was always by my side, Clarence always cracked me up with his stupidity, and Cyrus always amazes me with new things. Having Mj as a best friend, you would expect shenanigans from him. I knew he would tease me. He keeps on teasing me with every wrong move I make! It was tolerable. It was funny. But it's all fun and games when someone got hurt. Just last week, Mj teased me about my hair. He called me Justin Bieber. I didn't mind because it was sort of true. But then Clarence went in on it too. They kept on singing Justin Bieber songs. I just raised my middle finger to show them that I'm getting tired of it. But Clarence crossed the line. He told Mj that I could be a potential contestant in "That's My Tomboy".  Mj just laughed. 

It just stabbed me. It flushed down my confidence. I gave them the cold shoulder for minutes. I can't stay mad at Mj, so I just started talking to him. I didn't talk to Clarence for the rest of the day. It just made me really upset. 

It made me reflect on what I have. Come to think of it, I didn't have this haircut out of boredom. I had this haircut to get noticed. To make someone like me. Bianca Carayag has a lonely life. A life without someone to share it with is equivalent to nothing. Don't get me wrong, I'm not desperate for a boyfriend. I don't need that in my life right now. The thing that is bothering me is the fact that I'm not attractive. If I didn't look good with long hair, I assumed that I would look good in short hair. But no, it just made me look like a man. 

Having these thoughts swimming in my head makes me think if I was going to die alone. It made me think of everything that is wrong about me. 

1. I'm ugly. 

2. I'm socially awkward. 

3. My body sucks.

4. I don't know how to please people. 

 and plenty more. 

Yes, I'm insecure. I'm a fucking child. I will never grow up. 

This post sucks. Bye. 

-Bianca. 

Post Concert Depression Day 2

During breakfast, my mum was watching this Filipino show (as usual) then I suddenly heard 'Beat It'. My face fell towards my food.

-Mabel. xx

Post Concert Depression Day 1

When I got home from the concert, I immediately posted a picture of Joe in Intsagram with a dedication from me saying how much I love how he improved. It wasn't that long, but it was thoughtful. 

When I woke up the next day, I sprinkled water on my face to wake up. I checked my phone, no messages. I went in Instagram and looked at new photos of the people whom I'm following. I looked at my notifications. jtrohman liked your photo I rubbed my eyes to see if it was real. And it was! I couldn't believe it! He actually liked my photo! I was too happy and dressed up. I went to SM Sucat for some Yellow Cab (which I heard that FOB loves eating there) I went in, and I saw FOB! I couldn't believe it! I just ignored them and wanted to act casual. I didn't want to look crazy in front of them. I looked back, and I saw them looking back at me. They were all pointing me and laughing at Joe. I just looked away and minded my own business. When I sat down, the pizza was already served. As I ate, I felt a hand reaching to me. It was Joe. He asked me if I knew him. I told him of course, since he's from FOB. He asked me if I was bestdamnbianca. I said yes! We talked about how he's an inspiration to me. He told me that fans like me gets him going. Fans like me who believed in him from the very start. I was joyfully eating my pizza and... 

I woke up. 

-Mabel. xx

Fall Out Boy, Live in Manila

Where is your boy tonight? I hope that he's a gentleman. 

-Grand Theft Autumn/ Where Is Your Boy by Fall Out Boy

--

08/08/2013

When I woke up, I could feel the fire inside because I knew that I would be seeing Fall Out Boy live in 12 hours. I got up immediately, ate, took a shower and put on my kitchen uniform. I checked my phone for messages. I felt my heart sank because of jealousy. I saw a messaged from Bettina that she won a Meet and Greet pass. I was also happy for her, of course. She deserved it. I got to the car and went in the kitchen. I didn't care what would happen in class. All I knew was I was going to watch one of my favorite bands, live! Den texted me to bring my extra hairnet, which I did. I was alone with Jerrica. We were early. When we got in the kitchen, we saw Chef with a bad ankle. It made me gasp. How was I suppose to tell him that I needed to go out early when he can't even walk properly? Instead, I just cut some vegetables and tried to be good. About five minutes later, I saw Clarence and Den coming in. I gave Den the hair net and she left. All I did in school was cut some carrots and frosted them. I felt some kind of awkwardness between Den and I. He was having an attitude towards me. And I didn't feel good about it. Here I go again with being paranoid. But I knew I couldn't let this this bring me down. I just shook it off. 

After class, mum actually went to SFU to fetch me. I changed from my kitchen uniform to a grey tank top and black rebel pants. Mum and I took a bus, then took the MRT. 

We waited for Dionico and Angel. About 20 minutes later they came. I left my mum and went with them. We all waited for Bettina by the green gate. She texted me that she's on her way. When we saw her, she was bursting in tears. I knew why. I would also cry a river when I get to see FOB up close. 

When we got in, the opening act was still performing. They performed for about an hour. 

But then... 

It was dark, I could hear the roar of the crowd. I could sense their footsteps on the stage. I could feel my eyes swelling up when I saw the silhouette of Joe's hair. I could feel the intensity of the atmosphere. I could feel it moving slowly and slowly and... 

The lights went on. Everyone was screaming. I could feel my lungs coming out. I could feel my tears dropping. And it began. 

They started of with Thriller. And yes, it gave me chills. I just love seeing them live. It was amazing. I could see Bettina beside me, with puffy red eyes. I know how she was feeling. I felt that too. I wanted to stop crying and just enjoy the concert. So I smiled and sang along. When they played Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes, I screamed my heart out. 'DETOX JUST TO RETOX' 

Right after that, if I'm not mistaken, the played The Phoenix, and everyone got wild. It was intense! 

They changed, yet they were just the same.

Patricks' voice was clearer. I could actually understand the lyrics this time. Andy was still the best! He has always been my idol. His drumming skills is and always will be epic. Pete was always the host of the band. It was quite cute, actually. But Joe.... Joe... 

When they played Where is you Boy Tonight, I could feel my eyes swelling. I could feeling my nose running. I could feel tears running down my face. This song took me back. They followed with Sugar, We're Going Down, and that made me more emotional. Well, yes, I was jumping up and down, but it still made me cry. The fact that they were still playing these songs together made me cry tears of joy. 

But then they covered their famous cover, Beat It by Michael Jackson. Everyone was going nuts. I knew that John Mayer was the one who played the guitar solo here, originally. But for that night, that marvelous night, Joe did the guitar solo. That made me cry so much. I never cried like that in a long time. I wasn't looking at Joe's skills, I was look at his improvement. That made me proud to be a believer. It was so beautiful. I guess not everyone noticed that he has improved, but I certainly did. He was just a rhythm guitarist before the hiatus. I knew that he would be great. I always believed that he would be a legend. And this is proof that he is on his way. I never stopped believing that he could reach this high. I was proud of him even though I was merely just a fan. That guitar solo made a whole lot of difference. Not just the guitar solo, I've been noticing that he has added a lot of leaks in the whole concert. He was adding his own stuff, his new stuff. The Damned Things was really a turning point for him. I knew that he could make it this far. I bet someday, he would be playing along side with Joe Satriani, Steve Vai, Paul Gilbert and other legendary guitarist. He will be a legend, I'm sure about that. 

After that, they followed it with Thnks Fr Th Mmrs. That made me quite sad. I had the feeling that this would be their last song of the night. I just wish that it wasn't. 

However, they ended up having Saturday as their last song. 

I didn't want it to end. It was horrible. I had the worst case of PCD ever. It made me want to repeat the day. Why does it have to end?! 

I promised myself, when they come back (they will) I wouldn't waste time in finding cheaper tickets, I immediately by myself a VIP ticket, I don't care if I have to go alone. It's worth it. 

-Bianca. xx

Disclaimer: These photos aren't mine. 

I wanna be a Starship Ranger.

Baby, you're not alone, cause you're here with me. And nothing's ever gonna bring us down cause nothing can keep me from loving you.

-Not Alone from A Very Potter Musical

--

It's been a while. College seems pretty difficult, but I can handle. There's been a lot of drama here and there and I mean a lot. I just don't want to be in the middle of it, even though I am, so I just keep my mouth shut. While not worrying about the shit going on, I'm stuck at Youtube. Obviously you guys know that I'm a huge potterhead. No doubt about that. So I wanted to check some parodies, and I remembered that Darren Criss was in one. I searched it up and it turned out to be a musical! You guys know that I'm a sucker for musicals! So this parody was perfect for me! And that was the begging of my Starkid addiction. 

I know what you're thinking. Why be a fan of Starkid just now? You're too late to be part of this fandom! But who could blame me?! I'm a late potterhead! And I just discovered my love for musical theatre this year! Forgive me. But a fan is a fan! 

As I started watching A Very Potter Musical, I was already laughing my butt off! I never thought a parody of the greatest thing would be this hilarious and not at all offending! The first song was 'Goin Back To Hogwarts' it was hella funny! Floo powder power, floo powder power, floo powder power! Snape (played by Joe Moses) is just the best! I could never stop laughing when he was there! Ron (played by Joey Richter) was totally awesome! (gettit?) When Professor Quirrell (played by Brian Rosenthal) suddenly came in the picture, I was surprised. The actor for Quirrell looked too young to be a professor at Hogwarts, but I didn't complain because Brian Rosenthal is just the cutest! Oh, and hey! I didn't get addicted with Team Starkid because of Brian! I got addicted because of their talent! All of them! They're just awesome! The lyrics, the story, the music, their voices! I love Quirrell x Voldemort! 

A week has past and I've already watched AVPM, AVPS and AVPSY. After I watched A Very Potter Senior Year, I felt empty. I needed more! I started to watch "The Potion Master's Corner". They are videos where Snape (not the actor, but the character) interviews the cast. The best PMC for me was prolly Joe Walker's. Snape was just so insulting! 

I liked Brian Rosenthal's episode as well. He was so adorable. He was about to cry. Well, I guess he was acting, but still! Just plain adorable!

It still wasn't enough, I wanted more! I went to their website and decided to watch Me and My Dick. It was the best! It wasn't a parody of anything, it was just their own musical. Yeah, it was for big starkids, it was hilarious! Dick (played by Joe Walker) was just amazing! He was the best dick ever! Though, Brian Rosenthal wasn't here, but I didn't mind. After I watched MAMD, I wanted to watch Apocalyptour because I saw the Brian was Joey's (the lead character in MAMD) heart! Originally AJ Holmes is the heart, but he became a cast of Young Frankenstein at that time, so he was too busy when they performed the Apocalyptour. Apocalyptour is a concert with their songs. I thought my knowledge of them wasn't enough to make me watch the Apocalyptour. So I decided to watch Starship. 

Starship is sorta like a Little Mermaid story. A bug, Bug, (played by Joey) wanted to become a Starship Ranger. But he's a bug! It was pretty awesome and funny. Even though Joey was a bug, he still had his signature blue headband! 

I just finished watching Starship yesterday. I started to watch the Apocalyptour this morning. I wanted to watch Holy Musical B@man, but I didn't know if I should. You see, i was never a DC fan, what if the make a joke and I can't even relate to it? But I promised myself, I would watch every video that Team Starkid made, so I will watch HMB, maybe after I watch Apocalyptour. 

I was out of breath when I watched the part where Brian was the heart. It was just so dreamy! Brian's perfect! 

I even searched more Brosenthal videos. I almost died when I watched him singing A Heart Full of Love from Les Mis. 

Well, this isn't everything I know. I know a lot. I just don't know how to express it in my blog. 

Anyway, I guarantee you that I do know my Starkids! :)) I just hope I'm not a poser. Well, I'm still learning anyway. It's not my fault that I'm pathetic. But who cares? I love Brosenthal, and I love Team Starkid!! <33

-Mabel. xx

Tuesday.

It was time for school again.

We had our best Resto class! It was funny as hell because of Mhary. Yes, I was still a bit left out, but I couldn't stop laughing.

At the end of the day, I had to do my accounting homework. I thought it was a piece of cake, but then when I started, I was freaking out. I didn't know shit anymore. I vibered Mj if he knew how to do the homework.

He replied. He told me to Skype. But I don't have skype. So instead, we met by the gate of my village. He lead to a random restaurant. He just let me copy his homework. While doing so, we were talking. It was a funny conversation. God, I missed him so much. Apparently, he was feeling the same thing. He regretted not talking to me.
I told him everything that has happened. It was great!
He helped me with my homework, and I helped him with something else.

It was just an awesome day.

-Mabel. xx