It kinda sucks being Bianca Nadine Carayag.

I haven't updated this blog for months now. Nothing much has happened. 

You might be wondering why this post is entitled "It Kinda Sucks Being Bianca Nadine Carayag". Well, in the past few months, nothing much changed. I just realized that I suck. What makes me say that? Well, let's put is this way: I. Am. Ugly

I left off with a post about having a post concert depression. That was 3 months ago. The days when I hardly cared on what I look like, or what I'm doing. Don't get me wrong, I cared on what I look, I just didn't want to make a big deal out of it. I hated looking at the mirror unsatisfied, so I just didn't do anything. 

After August, I suddenly got insecure. The society got to me. The harsh things that were rushing in my mind made me mental. It made me think that I had to change, that I had to be different. At that time, I got really bored with my hair. I wanted to do something daring, something unique. At that moment, I was looking at Tessa Netting's instagram. I got really attracted to her pixie cut. I shook it off and thought on how horrible I would look like with a pixie cut. When the time passed, I played with my hair and tried to make it look like I had a pixie cut. I put my hair in a ponytail, then placed it on my forehead. I shared this picture with my closest friends. I wanted to take a vote if it would look good on me. Majority said it would fit me great. But the butterflies in my stomach begged to differ. I had made up my mind. When of break for the first term started, I had my haircut. I looked awkward. At the same time I had confidence. I finally felt superior. I loved the feeling of changing. I loved the feeling that I was becoming someone new. There was only one thing that scared me: the fact that I had to go back to school and everyone would see the new me. I was afraid on what they would say. I was afraid that everyone would laugh at me. I was afraid that people would start judging me. 

A week has passed by. The sem break was over in just a snap. The morning of the first day of the second semester was chaos. We still didn't know our schedule, and who our classmates would be. I had to wake up early to check what block I was assigned to. On the way to school, my hands turned cold, my stomach had twice the butterflies than before. I wasn't sure on how my friends would react. Mariko new about my haircut. She was the first person I that knew that I had a pixie cut. I got in the school and no one was there yet. I sat by the lobby and waited for the others. While I waited, I just browsed through twitter. Minutes has past when Mhary arrived. She looked at me with an odd look. I gave her a lame excuse that my mum wanted me to have a new haircut. Mj arrived and asked me what happened to my hair. I gave him the same false excuse. I didn't want to tell them that I wanted it for myself. It would make me look that I made a bad decision. When Mariko arrived, she was excited to see me. She kept on patting my hair and telling me that I looked great in it. Chef AJ went to the lobby to welcome us back. He noticed my hair and said "I usually hate short hair on girls, but on you, it looks great!" I couldn't control my smile. A lot of people were giving me complements. I guess that's the perks of having new hair. 

On that day, the blocks were announced. Den, Mariko, Mhary and I got split up. Mariko was with Mhary, and I was with Den. I was actually relieved. Don't get me wrong, I love all three of them. The only problem I have with them is I get really left out. 

The new block I have is pretty fun. Mj's there so I was really happy. I can finally be myself because my best friend was in my block. 

Months passed and everything I was afraid about came true. It was fun having Mj, Den, Clarence and Cyrus during lunch. They were the best. Mj had my back, Den was always by my side, Clarence always cracked me up with his stupidity, and Cyrus always amazes me with new things. Having Mj as a best friend, you would expect shenanigans from him. I knew he would tease me. He keeps on teasing me with every wrong move I make! It was tolerable. It was funny. But it's all fun and games when someone got hurt. Just last week, Mj teased me about my hair. He called me Justin Bieber. I didn't mind because it was sort of true. But then Clarence went in on it too. They kept on singing Justin Bieber songs. I just raised my middle finger to show them that I'm getting tired of it. But Clarence crossed the line. He told Mj that I could be a potential contestant in "That's My Tomboy".  Mj just laughed. 

It just stabbed me. It flushed down my confidence. I gave them the cold shoulder for minutes. I can't stay mad at Mj, so I just started talking to him. I didn't talk to Clarence for the rest of the day. It just made me really upset. 

It made me reflect on what I have. Come to think of it, I didn't have this haircut out of boredom. I had this haircut to get noticed. To make someone like me. Bianca Carayag has a lonely life. A life without someone to share it with is equivalent to nothing. Don't get me wrong, I'm not desperate for a boyfriend. I don't need that in my life right now. The thing that is bothering me is the fact that I'm not attractive. If I didn't look good with long hair, I assumed that I would look good in short hair. But no, it just made me look like a man. 

Having these thoughts swimming in my head makes me think if I was going to die alone. It made me think of everything that is wrong about me. 

1. I'm ugly. 

2. I'm socially awkward. 

3. My body sucks.

4. I don't know how to please people. 

 and plenty more. 

Yes, I'm insecure. I'm a fucking child. I will never grow up. 

This post sucks. Bye. 

-Bianca. 

Post Concert Depression Day 2

During breakfast, my mum was watching this Filipino show (as usual) then I suddenly heard 'Beat It'. My face fell towards my food.

-Mabel. xx

Post Concert Depression Day 1

When I got home from the concert, I immediately posted a picture of Joe in Intsagram with a dedication from me saying how much I love how he improved. It wasn't that long, but it was thoughtful. 

When I woke up the next day, I sprinkled water on my face to wake up. I checked my phone, no messages. I went in Instagram and looked at new photos of the people whom I'm following. I looked at my notifications. jtrohman liked your photo I rubbed my eyes to see if it was real. And it was! I couldn't believe it! He actually liked my photo! I was too happy and dressed up. I went to SM Sucat for some Yellow Cab (which I heard that FOB loves eating there) I went in, and I saw FOB! I couldn't believe it! I just ignored them and wanted to act casual. I didn't want to look crazy in front of them. I looked back, and I saw them looking back at me. They were all pointing me and laughing at Joe. I just looked away and minded my own business. When I sat down, the pizza was already served. As I ate, I felt a hand reaching to me. It was Joe. He asked me if I knew him. I told him of course, since he's from FOB. He asked me if I was bestdamnbianca. I said yes! We talked about how he's an inspiration to me. He told me that fans like me gets him going. Fans like me who believed in him from the very start. I was joyfully eating my pizza and... 

I woke up. 

-Mabel. xx

Fall Out Boy, Live in Manila

Where is your boy tonight? I hope that he's a gentleman. 

-Grand Theft Autumn/ Where Is Your Boy by Fall Out Boy

--

08/08/2013

When I woke up, I could feel the fire inside because I knew that I would be seeing Fall Out Boy live in 12 hours. I got up immediately, ate, took a shower and put on my kitchen uniform. I checked my phone for messages. I felt my heart sank because of jealousy. I saw a messaged from Bettina that she won a Meet and Greet pass. I was also happy for her, of course. She deserved it. I got to the car and went in the kitchen. I didn't care what would happen in class. All I knew was I was going to watch one of my favorite bands, live! Den texted me to bring my extra hairnet, which I did. I was alone with Jerrica. We were early. When we got in the kitchen, we saw Chef with a bad ankle. It made me gasp. How was I suppose to tell him that I needed to go out early when he can't even walk properly? Instead, I just cut some vegetables and tried to be good. About five minutes later, I saw Clarence and Den coming in. I gave Den the hair net and she left. All I did in school was cut some carrots and frosted them. I felt some kind of awkwardness between Den and I. He was having an attitude towards me. And I didn't feel good about it. Here I go again with being paranoid. But I knew I couldn't let this this bring me down. I just shook it off. 

After class, mum actually went to SFU to fetch me. I changed from my kitchen uniform to a grey tank top and black rebel pants. Mum and I took a bus, then took the MRT. 

We waited for Dionico and Angel. About 20 minutes later they came. I left my mum and went with them. We all waited for Bettina by the green gate. She texted me that she's on her way. When we saw her, she was bursting in tears. I knew why. I would also cry a river when I get to see FOB up close. 

When we got in, the opening act was still performing. They performed for about an hour. 

But then... 

It was dark, I could hear the roar of the crowd. I could sense their footsteps on the stage. I could feel my eyes swelling up when I saw the silhouette of Joe's hair. I could feel the intensity of the atmosphere. I could feel it moving slowly and slowly and... 

The lights went on. Everyone was screaming. I could feel my lungs coming out. I could feel my tears dropping. And it began. 

They started of with Thriller. And yes, it gave me chills. I just love seeing them live. It was amazing. I could see Bettina beside me, with puffy red eyes. I know how she was feeling. I felt that too. I wanted to stop crying and just enjoy the concert. So I smiled and sang along. When they played Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes, I screamed my heart out. 'DETOX JUST TO RETOX' 

Right after that, if I'm not mistaken, the played The Phoenix, and everyone got wild. It was intense! 

They changed, yet they were just the same.

Patricks' voice was clearer. I could actually understand the lyrics this time. Andy was still the best! He has always been my idol. His drumming skills is and always will be epic. Pete was always the host of the band. It was quite cute, actually. But Joe.... Joe... 

When they played Where is you Boy Tonight, I could feel my eyes swelling. I could feeling my nose running. I could feel tears running down my face. This song took me back. They followed with Sugar, We're Going Down, and that made me more emotional. Well, yes, I was jumping up and down, but it still made me cry. The fact that they were still playing these songs together made me cry tears of joy. 

But then they covered their famous cover, Beat It by Michael Jackson. Everyone was going nuts. I knew that John Mayer was the one who played the guitar solo here, originally. But for that night, that marvelous night, Joe did the guitar solo. That made me cry so much. I never cried like that in a long time. I wasn't looking at Joe's skills, I was look at his improvement. That made me proud to be a believer. It was so beautiful. I guess not everyone noticed that he has improved, but I certainly did. He was just a rhythm guitarist before the hiatus. I knew that he would be great. I always believed that he would be a legend. And this is proof that he is on his way. I never stopped believing that he could reach this high. I was proud of him even though I was merely just a fan. That guitar solo made a whole lot of difference. Not just the guitar solo, I've been noticing that he has added a lot of leaks in the whole concert. He was adding his own stuff, his new stuff. The Damned Things was really a turning point for him. I knew that he could make it this far. I bet someday, he would be playing along side with Joe Satriani, Steve Vai, Paul Gilbert and other legendary guitarist. He will be a legend, I'm sure about that. 

After that, they followed it with Thnks Fr Th Mmrs. That made me quite sad. I had the feeling that this would be their last song of the night. I just wish that it wasn't. 

However, they ended up having Saturday as their last song. 

I didn't want it to end. It was horrible. I had the worst case of PCD ever. It made me want to repeat the day. Why does it have to end?! 

I promised myself, when they come back (they will) I wouldn't waste time in finding cheaper tickets, I immediately by myself a VIP ticket, I don't care if I have to go alone. It's worth it. 

-Bianca. xx

Disclaimer: These photos aren't mine. 

I wanna be a Starship Ranger.

Baby, you're not alone, cause you're here with me. And nothing's ever gonna bring us down cause nothing can keep me from loving you.

-Not Alone from A Very Potter Musical

--

It's been a while. College seems pretty difficult, but I can handle. There's been a lot of drama here and there and I mean a lot. I just don't want to be in the middle of it, even though I am, so I just keep my mouth shut. While not worrying about the shit going on, I'm stuck at Youtube. Obviously you guys know that I'm a huge potterhead. No doubt about that. So I wanted to check some parodies, and I remembered that Darren Criss was in one. I searched it up and it turned out to be a musical! You guys know that I'm a sucker for musicals! So this parody was perfect for me! And that was the begging of my Starkid addiction. 

I know what you're thinking. Why be a fan of Starkid just now? You're too late to be part of this fandom! But who could blame me?! I'm a late potterhead! And I just discovered my love for musical theatre this year! Forgive me. But a fan is a fan! 

As I started watching A Very Potter Musical, I was already laughing my butt off! I never thought a parody of the greatest thing would be this hilarious and not at all offending! The first song was 'Goin Back To Hogwarts' it was hella funny! Floo powder power, floo powder power, floo powder power! Snape (played by Joe Moses) is just the best! I could never stop laughing when he was there! Ron (played by Joey Richter) was totally awesome! (gettit?) When Professor Quirrell (played by Brian Rosenthal) suddenly came in the picture, I was surprised. The actor for Quirrell looked too young to be a professor at Hogwarts, but I didn't complain because Brian Rosenthal is just the cutest! Oh, and hey! I didn't get addicted with Team Starkid because of Brian! I got addicted because of their talent! All of them! They're just awesome! The lyrics, the story, the music, their voices! I love Quirrell x Voldemort! 

A week has past and I've already watched AVPM, AVPS and AVPSY. After I watched A Very Potter Senior Year, I felt empty. I needed more! I started to watch "The Potion Master's Corner". They are videos where Snape (not the actor, but the character) interviews the cast. The best PMC for me was prolly Joe Walker's. Snape was just so insulting! 

I liked Brian Rosenthal's episode as well. He was so adorable. He was about to cry. Well, I guess he was acting, but still! Just plain adorable!

It still wasn't enough, I wanted more! I went to their website and decided to watch Me and My Dick. It was the best! It wasn't a parody of anything, it was just their own musical. Yeah, it was for big starkids, it was hilarious! Dick (played by Joe Walker) was just amazing! He was the best dick ever! Though, Brian Rosenthal wasn't here, but I didn't mind. After I watched MAMD, I wanted to watch Apocalyptour because I saw the Brian was Joey's (the lead character in MAMD) heart! Originally AJ Holmes is the heart, but he became a cast of Young Frankenstein at that time, so he was too busy when they performed the Apocalyptour. Apocalyptour is a concert with their songs. I thought my knowledge of them wasn't enough to make me watch the Apocalyptour. So I decided to watch Starship. 

Starship is sorta like a Little Mermaid story. A bug, Bug, (played by Joey) wanted to become a Starship Ranger. But he's a bug! It was pretty awesome and funny. Even though Joey was a bug, he still had his signature blue headband! 

I just finished watching Starship yesterday. I started to watch the Apocalyptour this morning. I wanted to watch Holy Musical B@man, but I didn't know if I should. You see, i was never a DC fan, what if the make a joke and I can't even relate to it? But I promised myself, I would watch every video that Team Starkid made, so I will watch HMB, maybe after I watch Apocalyptour. 

I was out of breath when I watched the part where Brian was the heart. It was just so dreamy! Brian's perfect! 

I even searched more Brosenthal videos. I almost died when I watched him singing A Heart Full of Love from Les Mis. 

Well, this isn't everything I know. I know a lot. I just don't know how to express it in my blog. 

Anyway, I guarantee you that I do know my Starkids! :)) I just hope I'm not a poser. Well, I'm still learning anyway. It's not my fault that I'm pathetic. But who cares? I love Brosenthal, and I love Team Starkid!! <33

-Mabel. xx

Tuesday.

It was time for school again.

We had our best Resto class! It was funny as hell because of Mhary. Yes, I was still a bit left out, but I couldn't stop laughing.

At the end of the day, I had to do my accounting homework. I thought it was a piece of cake, but then when I started, I was freaking out. I didn't know shit anymore. I vibered Mj if he knew how to do the homework.

He replied. He told me to Skype. But I don't have skype. So instead, we met by the gate of my village. He lead to a random restaurant. He just let me copy his homework. While doing so, we were talking. It was a funny conversation. God, I missed him so much. Apparently, he was feeling the same thing. He regretted not talking to me.
I told him everything that has happened. It was great!
He helped me with my homework, and I helped him with something else.

It was just an awesome day.

-Mabel. xx

A week without a best friend.

"We've got each other's backs"

You all know that I have a dude best friend named Mj. When we were in our Senior year we would always tell each other that we will always have our backs. We kept on bragging that we will be in SFU together and shit. Unfortunately, we are not in the same block. He has new friends and I have mine.

When I came in during Tuesday, I wasn't looking forward to school. I wasn't looking my best. While at the car, I saw Mj getting off and coming in the campus. I was a bit thrilled that he was there. At least I have someone to talk to. When I entered the campus, I immediately went to my locker to change from flats to high heels. I walked in the corridor and saw Mj sitting alone. I knew he had a problem. I knew that he wasn't feeling okay. I went to him and asked him what's up. He just told me that everything's fine. Though I know that it wasn't. I was just standing there and watching him mope around. Clarence, a block mate of mine, suddenly came in and said hi to me. I wasn't gonna just stand and wait for Mj to talk, I knew he needed some time alone. So I went with Clarence, and just talked.

During assemblies, I usually sit with Mj. Since he's not from my block, I want to spend time with him. Clarence and I walked in the assembly room. Clarence sat with Cyrus (one of our blockmates) and I sat in a seat with an empty row. Mariko arrived and sat beside me. I saved a seat for Mj. Mhary and Den suddenly came and sat beside us. No one really knows that I kinda feel left out when I'm with them. Although, I feel happy with them because we have so much fun. Sometimes I just stay quiet and Den only seems to notice that I've not been myself. It's a half feeling for me. Anyway, I saw Mj coming with Jez (another block mate). I tried telling him that the seat was for him. He completely ignored me though.

I don't really remember what happens on the following days. I'm used to Mj not talking to me for the whole day. But for a whole week? He was starting to become a douchebag. He was always at the back of my head. I kept on thinking if I did something terribly wrong.

Then Friday came.

I got really sad when it was the end of the week and he was still ignoring me. I was having lunch with Den, Mariko, Mhary, Jez and Clarence. Suddenly, out of the blue, I cried.

Den knew what was going on. I couldn't speak, so she just told everyone instead. There was this big awkward silence. They kept telling me that it's his loss and shit. But I know deep inside that it's my loss as well. He was the person that I always went to when I needed someone. He was always there for me. Imagining him gone was just painful. He's my best friend.

When we got back, our next class was 'Culinary Techniques'. So we had to use the other kitchen for our class. Mj was kitchen staff for the Bistro that day. He looked as if he was enjoying his company with his block mates. It was obvious that he doesn't need me anymore. The problem is that I need him, badly. When it was our break, we got out of the kitchen through the other kitchen. When we got back, I was with Mhary. Den and Jez were still in the other kitchen. I just saw then from afar that they were talking to Mj. The next thing I know was Jez was beating him up. Mj wasn't that hurt, but I could feel his pain. I had no idea that Jez would be doing that.

When I got home, I told mum everything. She suggested to text Mj again and again. I didn't know if I could do it. I went to Des' house just for the heck of it. I helped Des with her math. I texted Mj.

It wasn't a pleasant conversation. However it all went well at the end. Apparently he was hurt when Jez gave him a head lock. I was still the one who said sorry at the end. I guess true friendships are tested with quarrels like this. Though I know we will definitely have each other's backs, I was still a bit upset because it didn't much affect him as much as it affected me. Oh well.

-Mabel. xx

A life of a potterhead.

College isn't the only thing that's on my mind for the past few weeks. Harry Potter has been in my head since the day when I went in Hogwarts. 

I guess people would say that I'm not a true potterhead because I didn't start reading Harry Potter when it was released. Who could blame me? I was never into books when I was a little kid. I was a late bloomer. I regretted hating Harry Potter ever since. 

When I was a little girl, I was afraid of everything. The first Harry Potter movie I have ever watched was Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. It was on the big screen and I was a little kid then. I remembered how cool I thought it was, but then the Basilisk came in. I remembered how frightened I was. I was scared of Harry Potter ever since. 

During my high school days, I finally developed my love for reading. The first thing I read was Percy Jackson. I kept reading and reading. I wanted to be challenged. One day during band class, I saw a higher class man reading something thick. She was reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Then and there I wanted to read Harry Potter. 

After that, Harry Potter has changed my life. People might say I'm obsessed and shit. But they don't know what they're missing. I was so happy when I saw a copy of Half-Blood Prince and Deathly Hallows on our shelves. I clearly remember that we had the whole set when we were young. I asked mum where they were, she told me that the carpenters who built our house stole them all. 

I built a shrine. Yes, a shrine. It's not complete though, and I think it would take years till I'm satisfied. 

I promised myself that I would buy a book every week. For now, I have already bought Sorcerer's Stone and Chamber of Secrets. Yes, with my own money. Oh, and I have bought Quidditch through the Ages and Magical Beasts and Where to Find Them. 

After I have completed the series, I plan to complete the uniform. I know someone who can make me a robe. The only problem I have is the vest/sweater. I have to buy it in eBay. It's extremely expensive though. But I know it's all worth it. 

When I complete the series and the uniform, I really plan on spending my savings on a broom. I'm still thinking of what I'll be having. Either a Nimbus 2000 or a Firebolt. It sucks that no one's selling a Nimbus 2001, I'd like to buy that. Afterwards, I'd like to have a Time-turner and the locket of Slytherin. Actually, I want all the Horcruxes. Scratch that, I want everything. I plan on buying replicas. I know the perfect site on where to buy them. 

In SFU, I'm known to be the hardcore potterhead. I guess that's way better than having a reputation of being a Directioner. Don't get me wrong, I'm proud to be a directioner, but I'm more of a Potterhead. Harry Potter is part of my life, it has made me the person who I am today. Right now, I'm rereading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

While at school, I'm also at Hogwarts. Our finals just finished. It's a site called hexrpg. Bettina introduces it to me. It's awesome. I seriously feel like I'm in the world of Harry Potter. It's amazing! Well, right now it's summer break, so I get to go back on September. I seriously can't wait. 

I was stupid for thinking that Harry Potter was something that I could skip on. I'm lucky to have discovered Harry. He is both my best friend and  my savior. 

-Mabel. xx

2 weeks after.

After two weeks of college, I haven't differ from the first day. I'm still this quiet introverted girl. However, everyone that knows me well knows that I'm not quiet at all. 

For the past two weeks, I've made some friends. Mj told me to stick with Ryan because he's a good guy. I didn't though. I was with Den and Mhary. Later on, we formed a group of four: Mhary, Den, Mariko and I. Mariko is a pretty girl. She's half Japanese, I think. We had tons of laughs. 

The subjects in SFU however was no laughing matter. It was interesting, yes. But it's deadly serious. 

Tuesday: 

Well on Tuesdays, we have this Beverage and Restaurant classes. It was all about bars, and clubs and all kinds of stuff. It was awesome because I learned a lot of things that other people don't. 

Wednesday: 

On Wednesdays, we have this communication class. It was awesome. We got to say stuff that's unique to us. I told them I was a potterhead. And from then on, I was known to be the potterhead of the class. 

We also had accounting class. I was good at accounting in high school. And I still am. However, because of my laziness, I can't find my brain in the proper place. I was reciting all the time in that class. And now we have homework and I haven't started on it yet. 

Last Wednesday was pretty rough for me. Ryan called me fat, no, he called me 'so fat'. It stabbed me. I could feel his words like a knife. That night, I was crying. I kept tweeting. Den told me to don't mind it, and it wasn't true. Venny and Des texted me. They told me that he's a douche for telling me that. Mj told me that he would beat up whoever told me that, however he didn't know it was his friend. I know my friends support me. But if they weren't my friends, wouldn't they think that same way? I know I'm fat. My friends are the only ones who say I'm not, but deep inside, I know I am. Which really sucks. I broke it that night. I was crying everywhere. Ryan called me. He said sorry. However, I know he won't be sorry if Den hadn't fought him. 

Thurdays:

During Thursdays we had to run a restaurant called Bistro Lima. It's like the Sanglayon in SFU. Although, I remembered Sanglayon being fun. Bistro Lima however isn't. Well, it is when you take off the heels. It was fun because it brought the group together. The balancing however was a pain. On the first Thursday, I was in charge of the snack bar. So I was the one who's responsible for the balancing. It wasn't balanced. We ended up leaving the school at about 7pm. 

For the second Thursday, I was assigned to be the head waiter. I wasn't thrilled to be. At first I thought I would be in a lot of pressure. I thought I would be in some kind of trouble. But it turned out to be fun. Less work actually. I was just by the cashier, punching the orders. And demanding the waiters to do this and to do that. At the end, I was also in charge of balancing the money for the bistro. I was relieved when it was balanced. Although we still stayed late because Ryan wasn't able to balance the money from the snack bar. 

Jezz, Clarence, Den and I were the ones who were always together in the Bistro Lima. It was fun hanging out with them. Especially Clarence, he always makes me laugh!

Fridays: 

We have rooms and culinary class on Fridays. It was fun because it was all physical doing. There wasn't much of listening, there was more of doing.

Last Friday, Mariko, Den, Mhary and I went for lunch together. It was hilarious. It turns out all of us were bitches. Though I still haven't shown them my real side, but they accepted me. It was awesome really.  

Nowadays, only Den, Mj, Mariko and Mhary are the ones who call me 'Bianca'. I guess only my close friends should call me by my real name. 

-Mabel. xx

First day of school: A life of an introvert

I wasn't too pumped that it was my first day of college. I guess it was more of a burden to me. I hate studying. It was never my plan to study. However, being in this school differs everything. It was sad for me that all of the Setonians who were studying in SFU as well are together in their classes. Even the person who has told me we have each other's backs wasn't part of my class. It was sad thinking that I wouldn't be spending my classes with my best friend. Though from the looks of it, he didn't even needed me. Mj already has his own group of friends and I was a loner sitting like an idiot.

At the orientation that was lead a week ago was a death sentence for me. Yes, I had new friends. I didn't make them though. The whole time I was with Janella Avila, a former Setonian like myself. She kept making new friends and introducing them to me. I was never the kind of person who smiles at strangers. I'm not the kind of person who's friendly at first. Anyway, it sucks that our 'new friends' aren't in the same course as us. Though for the second day of the orientation, Janella introduced me Mhary. Mhary was in the same course and in the same classes with me. At least now I know I have someone to go with.

This morning my brother drove me to SFU. He wanted to leave the house at seven-thirty in the morning although my assembly is at eight-thirty. I was being slow like a snail. I didn't want to be too early and stand in the lobby like an idiot. I checked my phone if there were texts. Den, a really close friend of mine, left me a text message asking if I could come with her to get her uniform. I got another text message from Mhary saying that we'll be waiting for each other in the lobby. I guess I was pretty excited to see new faces. I got in my uniform and hated it. I hated looking formal, I hated looking classy. I had no choice. I got my Slytherin tumbler and hopped in the car. I placed my tumbler in my bag. Dean was just driving. I felt something wet by my skirt. Great, for the first day, I would go to school with a wet skirt! I practically looked like a wet myself! Now everything in my bag was wet. I took out my tumbler and just carried it with me. The traffic was mental! It wasn't the perfect road for my first day. When we got near the school, cars were all over the place. I felt something wet in my bad. Yes, we left at seven-thrity, and arrived at eight-twenty. I guess my problem of being too early was never there. Even though it was late, my friends weren't there. They were texting me that they're on their way.

About five minutes later, I saw Den with a white long sleeves polo and a black skirt. I accompanied her to the uniform place. I went out and saw Ms. Annabelle, a friend of mom and dad's that is working in SFU. She told me to get down to the assembly area because I might get late.

Mj was texting me to go there as well. When I got there, I looked tired because Ms. A and I were looking for the place. I saw Mj sitting with his friend and I went there. When I got my seat, Mj was laughing, as usual. Mj introduce me to his friend, Ryan. Ryan's Korean. I wasn't late. The dean for Hospitality Management came in and discussed house rules. Then she dismissed us. Mj and I exited together. His classroom was just next door. We talked a bit since it wasn't time yet. I was in a hurry though, so I left Mj and followed the other people. Our class was downstairs. i saw Mhary and tapped her in the shoulder. We sat beside each other and she introduced me to her friend, AC.

As I said before, I'm very shy. I'm quiet.

The professor came in and introduced herself and made us introduce ourselves as well. I introduced myself as Mabel. Yeah, I guess I made my own label for myself. Pretty lame.

After the introduction, Ms. Roda, a staff for the Hospitality Management, came in with Den. A huge smile on my face lit up when she was there. For this class, we talked about different kinds of bars! It was interesting really.

We had a break for an hour. The rain was pouring! We couldn't go to McDonald's so we went to Southville International Schools and Colleges' canteen instead. Their canteen was crap compared to Seton's canteen! I ended up buying a burger.

For the next class, we talked about the history of restaurants. It was pretty amusing.

After everything, I got up and I commuted home. When I got home I slept at once.

I really miss my best friend though. I thought in someway he wouldn't need me anymore. I thought he wouldn't be there for me since he had new friends. I guess I should've known better. He will always be there for me. When he got home, he immediately sent me a message in facebook. He was worried that I was being too quiet. Ryan told him that I wasn't active. Mj gave me some tips on how to get friends. I will try again tomorrow.

-Mabel.xx

2 day orientation

I guess my summer's over. We had an orientation in SFU. It was a bit boring. I didn't make any new friends. I was with my old friends the whole time.

It was a bit boring. It was ayt. I joined three orgs. (1) The Cradle. This org was for singers and dancers, considering I'm not both, I joined. I just saw their Play Competition thingy in their newspaper and I signed up immediately. They did Dreamgirls! So yeah, I just hope that they would accept me. I guess I'm a fair singer, I really don't know. (2) The Bridge. This is the newspaper. I love writing so much. It's my passion. I want to learn on how I can improve. (3) Hospitality thingy. Well, this was an org for my course... So yeah.


Anywhoo... Since Ate Cecil left, I was calling her everyday. It feels good hearing her voice. Though she was a bit worried because I was still crying. Oh well.

-Mabel. xx

Tears that poured for a week.

Last week my helper that was with our family for 21 years left. I didn't want here to leave of course, but she had to for her mother. Her mother's getting old and is needing company. It was a sad day for both of us.

In the night of June 6, we all new that she will be leaving the next day. I wrote her a letter and wasn't able to finish it because I can't. I can't finish it because I couldn't stop crying to the point where I can't hardly breathe. I put in the letter were memories. Good memories that happened and will never be forgotten. I guess I love her so much that it's really hard to let go. I never imagined that a day like this would come. She kept on joking about leaving, I really never knew that this time she was serious.

I woke up early. Dean had classes so he had to leave. He said goodbye and shed no tear. However, ate Cecil was crying a river. It was painful to watch. Then mum comes out and the hugged everything out. It was long and really painful. She kept telling mum to get shorter flight now because she won't be around anymore. It was really sad.

I took a shower and  got a shirt that she gave me and hopped in the van. It was really sad when she entered the van with her face full of tears.

We went to Resorts World to have a memorable lunch. We were with my grandma, dad, mum, Ate Ne (my other helper) and my aunt. Tears can't stop pouring.

We went back into the van. We saw a line in the airport and we stand in line. It was really a sad moment for everyone. I couldn't let go of her. I kept on hugging her and won't let go. It was really hard. I just couldn't. When she got in the airport, we rushed to the other gate to go in. We searched everywhere on where she is. We saw her in the check-in counter. She was all set. We hugged. We cried. We couldn't stop. But then she was requested to go to the gate. Seeing her walk with her red puffy eyes was really painful. She kept on looking back. And finally, she was gone. I couldn't stop crying since. For the whole week, I couldn't talk to anyone. I was just in my room crying. I stopped crying when I had to finish requirments for my college. And now, I could feel the tears flowing while I type. 

I really miss her dearly. I will see her again, just not soon. She's like my mom to me. I will never forget her. Never. I love her so much. 

-Mabel. xx

_m/

Where did I left off? Oh right...

The next day was tiring. We had plans to go to Waikiki beach and Pearl Harbor. First, we caught the bus to Pearl Harbor. The trip was kinda long.

When we got there, I remembered my very first trip to Hawaii. It was fun! The boat ride to the memorial was free, but they had loads of new stuff. It was awesome. We had an audio tour inside a real submarine. It was the SS Bowfin. It wasn't working anymore, it was just on land. It was fun. The audio tour told us all about the Bowfin.

Then we went in a boat ride to the memorial. 

After that we got to the bus and went to Waikiki beach. We wanted to ride the submarine tour. It was discounted for us because my parents are flight attendants. Unfortunately, when we got there the waves were too strong so the submarine wasn't available for that day. We had to call them tomorrow to see if it would be available on the next day. So we decided just to walk around the beach. I got a bottle that we were carrying and filled it with sand since Cielo wanted it as a pasalubong. 

After everything, we went back to the hotel and prepared for the celebratory dinner. 

We had dinner was awesome! Big portions... Huhu. I really got fat because of these trips. 

Well... That's that. The next day was our flight home. It was a short trip, but I really had fun! I think I'm forgetting to mention something but whatever. That's it. I miss Hawaii already. I just hope time could stop and just rewind. 

-Mabel. xx

Hanging loose for days. _m/

I am sorry! I haven't been posting in a while. So yeah. Here goes. I'm gonna tell you guys all about my Hawaii trip. :)

May 18- May 22, 2013

I remembered dad telling me in San Francisco that I had a possibility to go with them in Hawaii. However, being a flight attendant's daughter isn't easy. Before the trip, I had a fight with my mum. She just told me that the plane was over booked. Which I thought was ridiculous because in every flight we had it's always been fully booked and we still got in no matter what. My parents were scared that I might be bumped off. I got frustrated. When mum told me to pack my things, I didn't bother to pack any gorgeous clothes since my mum kept telling me that there is a slight possibility that I might not get in the plane. 

When it was the day of taking off, I grabbed Dean's Bacon Strip shirt that I gave him and wore it. I put my pants on and went to my mum to apologize. Mum forgave me.  Though she didn't like what I was wearing. She gave me one of her top, and told me to wear that instead. I obeyed. I wasn't really looking forward to it anymore. Whatever happens, happens. I kissed my yaya goodbye. I know that she will be missing me. And I will definitely miss her. 

When we got to the airport, I was a nervous wreck. Dad wanted me to do this alone. We went to the check-in counter and dad, already wearing his uniform, explained that I was his daughter and wanted me to come with him in his flight. The person told us to wait for 7pm to check if there will be available seats. Dad told me we have to wait for his friend that will also have his/her family on the trip. That was a relieve for me that technically, I won't be doing this alone. Ten minutes later, a female pilot was yelling dad's name. I figured she was the one we were waiting for. She had her whole family with her. Introductions were made, and awkward moments appeared. Dad and the pilot left to go to the office and left me with them. The husband was kind enough to let me take a seat. They have three children. The eldest, Tata, was a girl that looked like she was from college, and the second, Miko, was a dude that looks a bit my age, and the third, Miggy, was a nine-year  boy. None of them talked to me. They were all talking in English. They had their gadgets to keep them company. For the time being, I was texting Cielo, Venny, Char and Mj. Good thing I had load. 

The family was standing and said that they had to go to the check in counter. They asked me if I wanted to come, but I told them I had to wait for my dad. 

An hour later, dad went to me and we went to the check in counter. 

I got a ticket! It was relieving. I had the crew seat though. Which means I would be hanging out with the crew. I texted my brother immediately that I didn't need a ride home. While I was texting him, I felt the tears dropping. This was the first trip I will be having without him. 

Dad let me do things alone. I passed the travel fee, then went to immigration. Although I see dad right in front of me, I went to the waiting area. I then saw mum and the rest of the crew. I just walked to an empty seat and called Char. While I was on the phone, people were looking at me. I  didn't no whether phone calls aren't allowed, or because of me talking in English. Dad suddenly went to me and gave me a new ticket. He whispered to me "17 d" I reckon that was my seat number. Dad told me to board last. So I waited till everyone left. The guard was telling me to get a move on. 

While I was walking really slowly, I saw the pilot's family once again. The dad called me. I went to them and waited with them. The dad asked me if my seat was changed as well. I told him it was. When almost everyone was gone, we went entered. I was surprised that my seat was in business class! It was awesome! Plus, I had no seat mate! 

The family was seated diagonally in front of me. I could see that they were used to being in business class. 

While I was enjoying business class, I couldn't help notice that every time I looked to my left, Miko looking straight at me. When I look, he immediately looks away. 

I was watching Oz: The Great and Powerful. I got a bit bored since I watched this movie a dozen times, I changed the channel and watched Hansel and Gretel instead. Dinner came and I was amazed! It was beautiful! I never really imagined myself seated in business class! 

The time for sleeping had arrived. I slept sideways to my left and saw Miko having the same position as I was. It was weird, but it didn't bother me. 

I had the greatest nap ever! I woke up just in time for breakfast. Everyone else was still asleep, including Miko and Tata. I just enjoyed myself with my food. 

After the meal, I had nothing to do. I plugged my earphones on and sunk in my music. I couldn't help noticing that Miko was waking up. I knew I had no interest. When he woke up, he immediately stretched and looked at me. I looked away at once. I took another nap and the next thing I know, I was in Hawaii. 

When we got to the airport, my parents wanted me to go to the immigration process alone. It was kinda nerve wrecking. I met my parents downstairs where the luggage are at. We got our bags then we immediately went to the shuttle. There's this shuttle where only flight attendants ride. Of course, being a 'dependent' of flight attendants, I get to ride with them. 

When we go to the hotel, I was astonished. It was amazing! The Ala Moana Hotel was awesome! We finally got our room key and headed to the room. Mum and dad were tired, so they had to take a nap. I got my laptop and chatted with my friends. 

When they woke up, we went to church. Their church was interesting. Every new comer gets a lay! They gave me a lay. It wasn't made of flowers though, it was made of shells. 

The pilot's family was there too. When I stood up, (to know the new comers) I was embarrassed because I was the only one who stood from the flight. I saw Miko again. He was laughing by himself. That laugh, like "Oh, she's here" laugh. 

When the mass was done, I saw him going out. I walked alone, while mum and dad were talking with some friends, I could see him looking at me. I didn't leave glance anywhere else, and so did he. As I walked along my parents, I could see him shrinking and vanishing. We walked from the church to the hotel. Dad decided it was a day. Although I really wanted to go to the mall and do some shopping, we tucked ourselves in and called it a day. 

When I woke up dad told us that we will be spending our day with his friends. It was a bit awkward. I don't really remember much, but I remembered eating in a Chinese resto where you cook your own food. It was nice. And we spent the night in ROSS. Dad's friends were shopping till it was closing. They gave us a drive back to the hotel and we slept immediately as we went in. 

I was hoping for a shopping day. Dad granted it to me! We were planning to go to the flee market where dad saw a lot of boards. He decided to find me a penny board so that he could buy it cheaper. When we got to the lobby, we met up with some of the crew. One of them, kuya Ian, was supposed to come with us but the our ride didn't have much space in the car. While waiting f
or our ride, kuya Ian and I talked. He's awesome! He weight boards! We were talking about boards afterwards. He always wanted to try to skateboard, but then he can't imagine what will happen when he gets off balanced. At least in wight boarding he would land on water, but in skateboarding, he could crash. I told him I just ride, I don't do tricks, which is true. I told him that I tried to do an ollie once, but I failed. Our ride came, and dad gave kuya Ian directions. 

Our ride was dad's other friend, kuya Boy. He was with his wife, Sandy. They were an awesome pair. When we went to the flee market, we weren't able to find anything. It was just filled with junk. We then went to an outlet store. We were told that Zumiez had an outlet, so we decided to go there. When we got there, the board that I wanted wasn't available in that store. It sucked. So we went to the Vans outlet. Dad bought me a new pair of shoes. We went to get some grub! We went to a resto called Ramenyah! The portions were very plenty! I couldn't eat after! After that, kuya Boy dropped us in the hotel and we went to the Ala Moana mall. I immediately went to the Disney store! I think I was there for hours! A figuring of the Beauty and the Beast characters were sold out. Although, I found what I was looking for. The bear from brave! I was wanting it when we were in Disney World. Good thing Ii didn't buy it, it was way expensive there. Dad wanted me to buy the reversible bear that can turn to a kid then a bear. But I didn't want it because it looked retarded.  

After that, dad dragged me to a surfing store. There were penny boards! I couldn't believe I was gonna have a penny board! Dad took my wallet, and took twenty dollars out. So I paid for the penny board! (partly) It felt awesome holding it with my own hands. I named him Bryce. :) 

We went upstairs to browse the place, and I saw Jamba Juice and I immediately ran for it. We had Jamba Juice and that day was perfect! Yes, I got addicted to Jamba Juice. 

After the mall, we went to Walmart. We bumped into the purser and her daughters (which are dependents as well) The purser was saying that there will be a celebratory dinner tomorrow night in celebration of the captain's retirement. Dad said we'll be going.

When we got to Walmart, we then bump into the female pilot and her family. I was bring my penny board. Miko's eyes and mine met. He just shy smiled at me. It was really awkward. Then dad said we should go buy some food for tomorrow's breakfast, so we left. Mum got me this flower clip. It was cute since I was in Hawaii. 

We got back to the hotel and slept. 

I guess that's it for now. I'm feeling sleepy and this post is getting to long. Will continue tomorrow, promise. 

-Mabel. xx

Going back to Manila.

When we got back to San Francisco for our flight back to Manila, we were having this big reunion since it was also mother's day! It was sad because Mylene was telling me how she was crying when we left for Florida. She also told me that she would be definitely crying when we come back to Manila. It was devastating! I know I'm a cry baby. But I promised Mylene that I wouldn't cry if she didn't.

I miss my relatives in San Francisco. I really do.

We watched the Warriors game for the whole day. We went for Eggetes and watched the Warriors game there. Warriors won! It was awesome that everyone in Eggetes was cheering! 

At the end of the day, I cried. I knew Mylene had 3G in her phone, so I immediately sent her a message on facebook saying that I cried. She was crying as well. I guess it's really hard to say goodbye. 

-Mabel. xx

Last day in Orlando

May 10, 2013

The last day of Orlando was originally planned for an outlet day. But when my parents saw the look in my face, they decided to just have half of the day for The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. It's alright because I know they enjoyed that world as well. 

We went back and everything seemed infinite. The way I drank butterbeer again, the way my family went on The Forbidden Journey again... I was satisfied. Although I know I won't be going back here anytime soon, it's already fine that I went here.

(Best world EVER!)

So yeah, after that, we went to outlets. Firstly, we went to ROSS, dad's favorite place. Then we went a big outlet place. There was a Disney store (where I bought my new iPhone case) and there was Journey, F21, and all many more cool stores! It was awesome because everything was cheaper! Dad took his time in the Asics outlet, and mum took her time in Lacoste. Dean and I were bored! 

We had dinner at Denny's! It was mum's day, so we gave mum a snowglobe. (she collects them) It was a snow globe from the Disney outlet. It was a snow globe of the Rock 'n' Roller Coaster. 'Twas awesome!

A lot of things has happened, when we got back, there was this big crash between a truck and a car. Twas funny actually. However, in everything that happened, nothing can beat the finale. Dad always brings this black bag where our passports and our ids were there. When we got to our room, dad was looking for that black bag. It was no where to be found. We checked everywhere. It was no joke. Dad was tearing up. They could lose their jobs because of this! Dad called every outlets we went into. It wasn't there. I then saw the ROSS plastic. I told dad to try ROSS.And he did. Something miraculous happened. It was there all along. When mum and dad got back, they told us the employee who gave them the bag was named "Samantha". Which was cool because Samantha's my twin's name. She passed away when we were still babies. 

The whole trip was awesome! Happy endings, and memories that will last forever. :) 

CHARACTER SPOT!

-Mabel. xx

Universal Studios Florida

May 9, 2013

Dad saw how blue my face was when we left the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Since our ticket was a three day pass, he decided that we go there after we go to the other park. 

We got there in the morning. There were absolutely no lines. It was awesome! 

We went to the new ride first. We were in the Production Central. The first thing that we saw was the Despicable Me Minion Mayhem. It was really cute! We got turned into Minions. It was a 3D ride. It's so awesome! After the ride, before the gift shop, there was a dance party with a minion! He was soooo cute!!

Right after, we went to Shrek 4-D. It was still the same. It was alright. 

Then we saw this hardcore roller coaster, Hollywood Rip Ride Rockit. It looked intense! Dean didn't want to ride it so we didn't. 

We then went to Hollywood. We rode the Revenge of the Mummy. That ride was unexpected! It was awesome! I never really expected the part where it goes backwards. It was such a cool friendly ride. It was funny because the one beside me was scared! Even more scared than me! It was hilarious! 

At the gift shop, There were lots of these accessories with eyes. Yes, eyes. I liked it so much! But it was too pricey. 

We then went to TWISTER...Ride it out. It was cool. It was like experiencing a real live tornado! It was awesome! 

Then we went to San Francisco. I saw the Beetlejuice's Graveyard Revue sign. I immediately checked the schedule, there were so many shows still to come! I was excited to see it! While waiting, We went to Disaster! It was cool! It showed us how disaster movies were made. And in the mean while, they were making disaster movies with some volunteers. It was so cool. 

After that, we went to the World Expo The first thing we saw was MEN IN BLACK Alien Attack. It was another shooting game ride. I knew I was gonna loose. I never win in these things. But at the end of the ride, I won! It was awesome! I had so many points! I finally won! Woot!

Then we went to The Simpsons Ride! As usual, it was awesome. Though weird enough, the one in LA was better. 

Then we went to a animal show. It was cute. :) 

Then we went Terminator 3D it was ayt. Still the same as I remember. Just less... super. 

Then we went to my most awaited ride, E.T. Adventure. It was as good as I remember it. It sucks that this ride was no longer available in LA. I loved that there was one here. :) 

We wanted to go to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter already. But then when we asked, they said that we need to add 20 bucks in every ticket. Dad said nevermind. I could feel my tears pouring and dad said that we'll be going tomorrow instead. So we just went back to San Francisco and watched Beetlejuice. I was the best show ever! I loved it!! 

Character Spot!

-Mabel.xx